Canvas Talk

Funny how handsome your face looks
when you're tired
and how absurd
skin lies thin
over sounded bone
the uplands of cheekbone, jaw, chin
drawn close, leaning together
across soft valleys of cheeks
the unexpected promontry of
the ware
above this disconcerting contrast
of blubber, soft lips
concealing neat teeth

Rubbing your eyes
fingers enter deep
they draw you in, tempt
you to push
beyond the shooting sparks of light
to penetrate the brain

Beneath your touch
your face looks so handsome
all senses could be
extinguished
the whole animated mask
buried in two hands

My baby, my sexhay bear, my sweetheart, my sayang. 

The Games We Play

Spill.
Take your heart and your soul
the pieces and bits of you
you hide so well.
Out from the corners, and into the light
Let the hidden be known.
locked and untouched, what art thou but a broken tie
a fragile bond, my yesteryear
always there, but never around
like a song in my head
and a beat to my feet
you are truth; a reality.

Do not twinkle or let me blink.
Stay till you must be gone
Like rain must pour and I must breathe
Let your presence be my possibility.

As I scour through remains
and put you in an old box on the left
Smile at me through these photographs
As I hear you call my name
and live this love
in my head.

MY POOR LITTLE

MY POOR LITTLE CONTAGIOUS baby
no one's asking you to bed tonight
You said its okay, you're used to the late nights
and you were so tired, but you gave in without a fight.

Sunshine In This City

I’m looking for your face
Down these blocks, in the train
I keep thinking that these doors will open
and you’ll walk in.
I stand on the corners of these streets
Waiting for the light to turn green
I keep thinking you’re standing across somewhere

Looking at the way I walk, the rhythm in my feet
I fix my hair, I wear these clothes
I live
I be
In every little way
Just the way you’d want me to be
I don’t speak to strangers
Never look with anger at the eyes that devour me
I never run to catch buses
I walk, because you’ll be seeing.
I always look out windows

In the distant alleys, behind shadows of trees
I smile while staring at walls
At the smallest of moments
That cross my mind
I think about you more often than
I should
Maybe even more so
Than I knowingly breathe.

I be
This way and more
For the eyes that are never around
While the sun comes up to touch your face
There is sunshine in this city.

Love, Me

Take this glow off my eyes
the sparkle & shine
from the depths of my dreams
and make it fade.

Take these lines on my hands
& the way they burn with my faith
in what tomorrow may bring
and cross them till they can't be read

Take this depth of my heart
and its ocean of wait
and fill it with your truth
not your lies
or deceit

Undo yourself from the spaces of my mind
from the corners and the walls and the rooms inside me
pick these pieces
of your laugh; of your smile
like your eyes

Take yourself, and leave
Undo yourself
and all that I know of you

And if you can't
then just somehow
Love me.

The Tale of Two Cities

We lay in bed with our eyes locked in. The air is the same. We keep breathing but my breaths are heavier. It almost seems like they have been carrying a lot of burden on their shoulders. Your breathing however is much lighter. Its more carefree. Just like you perhaps.

It's not so much about the words. It doesn't matter what you say and how you say it. This is beyond just words. This is about your silence. And sometimes my silence but this is mostly about your silence. It slowly creeps up on me and settles into the dark moments of my life. It becomes my companion in those dark drawn out moments and all I can say is that I could not be more thankful.

I have told you so many times before... that you can never know how or what I feel about you. There is something very sacred about the pain love brings. It can only be idolized. And it can not be shared with anyone. So I'm not hiding my pain. I'm simply not sharing it. I know you are confused and it's totally okay to feel that way. Its like Science. There is no such thing as "Cold". There is only absence of "Heat". Do you get it now?

But you can't help asking me as to why sometimes it starts to hurt so much? And even though I want to tell you I just can't gather the words and reveal myself to you entirely. Because you might start to think things that are not your concern to begin with. So that side of me shall stay miles away from your shadow.

The truth of the matter is that you remind me of my childhood. Simple and content. But the problem is that a lot has happened since then. I would tell you but I think I would scar you as well and I would never wanna do that to you. The truth is that I don't think you would ever love me the way I love you. There was only one man. He hurt me and he hurt me a lot. And no it's not about past mistakes. They are not even worth mentioning now. It's about just one man. But let's leave it at that.

So let's just lay here in our beds. You on your side of the world and I on this side. Let our silence speak to each other because our words have miserably failed. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. But let's just do it. Our hearts are like cities. Our minds...continents of some sort. Often expanding. With invisible boundaries. The ones I once drew to keep you out. You don't need a passport to get in. You just need indifference to stay out and never care. But I know that's too much to ask for.

With silence being our new medium, let the tales write themselves from now on.

On the shore of apathy I stood still
Tried hard to suppress the silent screams
Love tried to cross the lines once drawn
In the cave of misery, I locked myself in

Starry Nights

Our limbs extend into long tree branches
As you lay with me in this starry night
Subtle breaths you breathe on my neck
Perfumed body adding to your sheer delight

Dampen hair wrapped around my fingers
As I lay awake around that aura of you
Witnessing those ever lasting galaxies in sky
Caressing thy cheek dipped in that glow

Early days of love, our youths were tangled up
In unsettled blistering rides of high and low
To the Heaven of passion among other things
Leaving grounds of uncertainty so far below

The journey embarked upon in thy company
Life's realism halted me from ever knowing
A knight in shinning armor you ceased to be
Far from that magical world of stars glowing

Set it free this one time, let it fly out the window
That imaginary heart I once drew just in the air
Hoping it would travel the world alone eternally
You then drew one too, we called it a pair

At last I wake up from this unfulfilled dream
Tasting that bitter sweetest life's essence
A life so scorching, it isworth living
Attesting to your surreal presence in my life

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!
Thanks baby. Best news so far.
I love you to pieces, syg.
My boyfriend.

One More Night

Sometimes I wish you would just... hurry up and get here; within knowing territory, close to speaking distance.

Sometimes, I wish we were books in a library age couldn’t mortalize and time lent distinction to.

Sometimes I wish I’d already known you my whole spent life, spend the remainder waiting on you. Whoever you are.

...Please, one more night?

Imperfect Control

In perfect control,
my every sense attuned to every fiber of his being
the sigh - as everything ends.
his tired breath,
his whispered joke,
his concentration
...is occupying my focus
he is in perfect control of my imperfect control.

Stinging Ice

Please
Don't be angry
When I come to your room
and rap on your door

There must be something
I want to say
I'm heard not believed
when your hate hits me hard
oh so hard

Ice
there's ice in your eyes
you're red when you're angry
And black as a storm
whenever you're wrong

Sting
You kill with your words
I stumble on mine
And even when you hurt
I'm fishing for apologies

You keep me wondering
with the frown and the sneer
if I ever really knew you
if I've done something unforgivable

Story

It's unfortunate. Life that is. At least certain moments are. And you just can not help it. That is why I call it unfortunate. The moments that are sad play on a loop. Its not fair to the good moments but sad moments take priority. Its the same with sad songs. Its unfortunate. But we already know that.

Like the one that unfolded today. They took turns in hurting each other. Then her life came to a complete stand still. He said something and her life stood still. Like in mourning. It was unfortunate. That's all that can be revealed here.

But its okay. Whatever happened that day made sense. He made her cry but he also lend his shoulder to cry on and in a twisted way that makes it okay. This time around she held his hand even tighter. He was only practicing his rights. That is all.

Just before falling asleep they promised to keep hurting each other. Forever and ever.

Its unfortunate but that is all there is to their story.

Anger

Your anger,
like embers on my skin.
So that I walk around all day with the searing pain
lingering all over my charred nerves.
And the soreness within,
like jagged icicles above my head
drenching me in fear.

But him. His anger is a source of mirth, a joyful tease.

Wooed

Don’t dive! I pull, you push me back
and now only bubbles at the surface.
You panicked, why did I have to confess
the insane depths of my emotion?

I knew and even though you're not in love,
though I wasn’t anyone else’s
why did I have to try and claim you?
Now everywhere I go there is something
to remind me of you, I can't
divert my mind, It shames me.

I’ve knocked on all other doors, I’ve tried
having the slashes on my heart bandaged.
Cos I’m torn between you
and the image in my head; the fiction I’ve always fancied.

Someone to swoop down from the skies,
and with all their lullabies,
break my insomniatic wake.

But then you came and you stayed.
swaying with me through my darkest days,
pulling me from my stagnancy

And even though you're not in love yet
or even someone else’s
I still cant quite believe it
that you were the rope I had been chasing all my life.

Reminiscence

I love all the things you've said, now that you're not around to say them anymore. 

I hate that you don't remember half of them. I hate that you think they only sound stupid. 

I love how your name crops up, deliciously and unexpectedly, in general conversation. 

I hate how it makes me start and stumble out explanations to upraised eyebrows 

who cannot fathom what we meant to us. 

I'm afraid you can't anymore either. 

If I asked you to stay, would you?

In His Arms

Siphoned off memories reverberating through space

Moment after moment collecting in times embrace

Weaving through the last dune of the desert sphere

Blood before milk and milk before the tears

And thought before hope before life before fear

Together bowing down to his chest to hear

His heart drumming, like a whisper for help

Stay

When you're gone, I’ll read all the things I wrote about you, and for you, and never had the courage to admit even to myself.

When you’re gone, I’ll realize I have nothing to hold you in. The gifts were passed on and days were spent, not documented through forceful posing. And I will be completely adrift wondering if anyone has ever felt this way, if you would ever have felt this way.

People will not know what I am smiling at so sorrowfully nor recalling so keenly and questions will be just as futile as remedies, because all I’ll have left to say for myself is one name.

When you’re gone, you’ll take me with you. All the good things I wanted the world to know me as will be no longer be worth being anymore. I will not have peace because my sanity depended on yours to shelter mine.

When you’re gone, I will break. A thousand times and again and again with every belabored breath and without picking up the pieces, break again.

When you’re gone, all my dreams will turn into mocking nightmares and all my hopes into jeers. Nothing will ever be in reach or wanted with the same sincere abandon. There will be no reason. When you’re gone, there will be no outward sign of the wreck within, but the flags I raise will forever be of a sickened surrender to wherever life chooses to take me now.

And then every place, every song, every stray cloud on a grey evening will be a little jab in my ribs from the inside. When you’re gone, I’ll wish you had stayed, and I’ll be sorry.

Quelqu'un M'a Dit

There are still
some bits of his face she hasn't kissed
yet,
some parts of his body she hasn't explored
yet,
running her tongue and nose
up and down his body.

His flesh creases, folds and lines,
its colour alters,

But then she never desired him because he was perfect, but because he was he.

Reflection

The way you smile at me makes my pulse skip a beat. My heart swells with feeling, till I feel every inch of me, to my very fingertips, is filled with the sensation of you. And then your hand folds over mine in the simplest of actions, and even after all this time, even after all this passion, this simple act is enough to make me want to wrap myself around you like a vine and never let go.

When you pull me close, everything else fades away. Noise, people, the world around all become a grey blur in the background, and I am a slave to you, lost instantly in the feel of your hand in my hair, lost in the volumes your eyes speak when they move over my face.

I watch you when you are not looking, and you are so beautiful to me. The curve of your cheek, your jawline, the way your eyes crinkle in laughter or in thought. I think I could go blind and forget colour, yet remember the way your knowing smile spreads across your face when you make me blush.

When Catherine spoke of Heathcliff, she said, "He is more myself than I am. Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same." It makes me think our differences are part of the magic - that two so entirely different people can be so like each other, can know each other so well. You match my edges to your own as though we are the same piece carved from the same puzzle, yet we belong to entirely different parts of the picture.

People say the danger of falling in love is losing yourself. But you reveal myself to me every time I look at my reflection in your eyes.

You

I wanted you.

A little bit, and a lot
parts of you at different times
and your whole every now and again.

Sometimes your eyes hidden behind your glares
the lines around their corners as you'd hint a smile
Sometimes your carved nose and the way it holds your face together,
and your glasses up
So our eyes would meet often, but only through that glass, and never truly touch.
Sometimes your lips, and the little that comes out of them
Sometimes the straight teeth and the witty mouth
that speaks of everything
but love.

Sometimes a little bit of you
Sometimes a lot.

I wanted you.