Unspoken Ink

She captures his verses; thoughts
devouring his smile and warm eyes.
Placing them amongst her silently blank lines.

Hearts linger within unoccupied spaces
longing once again.
Pen and paper romantically intertwines.

Being his spiral bound salvation
enclosing his peace of mind.
She allows his words to fall a steady pace.

Caressing; stroking; enveloping
every fragment of love.
She so softly moves to secretly embrace.

Falling upon their bare naked skin on white sheets
weaving tales; hearts confessions
Only for him she writes, nervously exposed.

Deep within these revealing words
spine sealed; encompassing truth.
Her gift to him -

She lays adorned for him.
She waits longingly for him to surrender his heart.

Multiply It By Infinity... Into The Depth Of Forever

Each night before I sleep, your voice echoes through my mind. As I rest my head on my pillow, a smile seeps through my soul, knowing that you, and you alone have made me whole.

Without you, I would simply be surviving, but with you, I am living my life to the fullest. Because of your love, my spirit has been rejuvenated.

The simplest pleasures in life bring me so much joy that it is hard to find the words to describe them.
A walk in the park becomes a reality-based metaphor.

You're the sun behind the cloud, the page behind the book covers. Every part of you is refreshing in every way and form. Sometimes, we meet people we have no expectation of meeting. Sometimes you meet people; and your whole world experience reforms. I meet you and started realizing the reason why I have to embrace life and stay longer.

You consume my mind. You invade my thoughts. You are the ruler of my dream world. You bring a smile to my face, a sparkle to my eye, and a tear to my cheek. Your eyes dance like mermaids in the sunshine, promulgating the exotic soul from within your innermost being. Your voice is like a sweet song I am hearing for the first time. You take my breath away, with the simplest things your lips utter. You make me look at life through new eyes, eyes that have never seen the light of day, until now. I feel as though I am using all my senses, for the first time, and suddenly everything I once knew, is now unfamiliar to me. You fill every cell of my being, with joy, love and happiness. You make me want to stand up, and scream at the top of my lungs, "I love you, more than words could say." You make my heart soar, like a bird in flight. But most of all... you are you, and I love that.

It is this intense power you have over me, which gives me strength, hope and new meaning. Is it wrong to be so young, yet feel so strong about you. I do not what love is. But if it means caring for you, respecting you, believing in you, and putting your happiness above mine, then I am in love.

So that's love! Multiply it by infinity, and take it to the depth of forever, and you will still have barely a glimpse. You're free... You're free to - love each other completely, totally. Trust, responsibility, taking the weight for your choice and feelings. And spending the rest of your life living up to them. And above all, not hurting the object of your love and affection.

Make No Mistake... It's Love

Love is a friendship that has caught fire, it is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and confidence.
It is loyalty through good times and bad.
It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.
Love is content with the present, it hopes for the future, it doesn't brood over the past.
It's the day in and day out of chronicles of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories.
And working towards common goal.

My beloved sunshine, I love you.

I love you because...
of your kindness, your tenderness, and your thoughtfulness.
I love you because...
you are a dear friend and a loving companion.
You smile at my silly jokes and enjoy my spirit.

I love you because...
of the every second that I have longing to be close to you.
I love holding your hand on a walk during the day;
and snuggling beside you on the bed during the night.

I love you because...
you listen to me as I share the small triumphs or struggles of the day.
I love you because...
in moments of friction between us, you hear me out.
Even when you don't agree with me, you listen with a longing to understand me.

I love you because...
you respect me.
You honor the person I am, rather than to try to make me into someone I am not.
You take into stride and embrace my imperfections and my shortcomings largely without complaint.

I love you because...
you appreciate me.
You enjoy my attentiveness and appreciate my efforts to be with you.
You appreciate my love to yourself and my love to others.

Loving you is so easy and effortless. And isn't that supposedly how love should be? You keep asking me what makes me so in love with someone like you. There are so many things, Saleh. The little things you do, the simple gestures you make, the thoughts and dreams that you share with me. I adore the way you look, the way you move, and most evidently, your infectious smile.

I can't imagine ever feeling so safe, so secure and so loved. You've changed me with your presence. Your strength, your character, and your sweet, sweet spirit have filled my life with bliss and purpose.

Like A Really Beautiful Thing That Last For A Couple Of Moments

It was the pain that had no name. Maybe not everything is supposed to last forever.

Certain things are like... like sky-writing, like a really beautiful thing that lasts for a couple of moments.

And then... you know? It just ends.

As time went by, there just got to be all these things, little things that were left unsaid.

And all these little things that were left unsaid piled up.

And after a while, there were so much that was left unsaid, that we barely said anything at all.

I couldn't escape them, all the little things I left unsaid, I was drowning in them.

Love isn't about ridiculous little words.

Love is all about grand gestures. Love is about airplanes pulling banners over stadiums.

Love is about proposals on jumbo-trons, giant words in sky-writing.

Love is about going that extra mile even if it hurts, letting it all hang out there.

Lastly, love is about finding the courage inside of you that you didn't even know was there.

And then the next morning, something kind of amazing happened. The sun came out again.

As I held on to him for dear life, we both knew the truth.

We were on different roads, he and me, two sheeps that passed in Sheep Meadow.

Somewhere a million miles away, the boy I love was going down his road, and I was going on mine.

Hmm, see? It annoys me to say this again, "I told you so!" This is just like I told you all this while...

Same thing I knew getting into this whole mess - love ends.

You come into this world alone and leave it the exact same way.

Maybe, that's the way of life.

Love is an ugly, terrible business practiced by fools. It'll trample your heart and leave you bleeding on the floor.

And what does it really get you in the end?

Nothing... but a few incredible moments, so incredible that you can't ever shake.

Sometimes, someone comes into your life that changes everything, raises the standard,

makes you laugh and makes you feel like you.
And even though you're not with him, you don't want to let him go.

Moments Of Happiness, Snatches Of Intimacy

You come to me in little fragments. It gives me no chance to catch my breath, and somewhere in between the flirtations and the conversations, the kisses and the caresses, I lost myself in you. I am reminded of the little things.

That first breakfast. You sinking down on the couch adjacent to mine, graceful in a way that seemingly teased my own awkwardness. I was quiet then, perhaps a little bashful, as you snuck your way into my heart over an unassuming cup of white coffee and a two pieces of bruschetta. I wouldn't admit it, but I did want one more. And with an indulgent knowing smile, you gently nudged the plate my way. 

The time we ordered take-away and then lay around and did nothing all day. The milkshake, movie date nights, good food, late night bike-rides home, grocery-shopping, boardwalks and public restrooms. Red candles, strawberry dub-dub, lingering scent of your cologne, mornings curled up in bed, and breakfasts in sarong. There are no tearful partings, no lingering hugs, no salty kisses. Just the quiet glances and the secret touches. The redness of my lips against yours. Kisses on the tips of my nose and caresses on the inside of my thigh.

I can almost hear your laughter, feel your breath against my cheek, hear myself giggle at a clever attempt of rumbling, the assault of your kisses, enveloping of your hand in mine, my legs wrapping themselves around yours as if they have a mind of their own, staking their claim, the heat of your skin against mine, you fitting against me in inexplicable perfection, nestling up against your chest, being lulled back into unconsciousness by the steady rhythm of your heartbeat, reveling in the feeling of finally being home. 

Moments of happiness, snatches of intimacy.

Gripping Sheets & Limitless Skin

I miss nights
of sleeplessness and blind conversations.
We kept the lie of dreams at bay.

Gripping sheets, and
limitless skin;
we held on to more than each other.
We were anything, in the darkness:
cats, words, childhood memories and ambitious goals.
Little bits of forever, hiding
behind slices of midnight.

I miss nights
of simple things; two bodies in
a bed built for one, wrestling
for the end of a blanket that was
not big enough.
I had very little patience for warmth, but our sex
smelt of sweat
and cigarette heat.
We basked in our own sun.

The night is heavy now.
Sometimes, alone, I hold
my damp pillow, tightly, and close my eyes.
In the darkness, I would
stroke your cheek
and wait patiently for the lie of dreams.

I tell myself: there is
nothing to miss.
That there is little to remember.

I tell myself many things.

To my oh-so-favourite boy of the moment. 
Suck it up. 

Miracle

Hello, miracle of 2012.

These stolen moments. Secrets that beat in my bloodstream. Like my love for you. Your kisses along my knuckles, like igniting silk.

You make me love you like I am young again. Reckless, unaware of consequences. Unaware of heartbreak when I am with you. Unaware of how terribly this may break me. I want only to be cradled against you, feeling your laughter rumble up from your chest. Breathe you in. I am addicted.

Like I am no longer wary, but crazy, silly with love, and like I will not be punished for these moments of joy I steal from Fate. Laughing the whole time when I rub my nose against your stubble, and then suddenly, we are frantic for the taste of each other. But you never let my smile be lost to me, locking your hand with mine, making rumbling noises on my sensitive neck, doing illegal things in illegal places, and I am by turns childishly impressed and nervous and happy - so happy, giggling with abandon.

You must love me - how else can your eyes move over me like this, drinking me in, telling me I am beautiful without words, telling me there will be no one else like me you'll ever encounter.

I would want you in my future. I would go grocery-shopping with you. I would collect cologne samples with you. I would let you cook for me things you like, the way you want me to give my honest views. I would put in the effort to make you smile every day.

I would be anything and everything.

I love you, Saleh. With every fiber of my being.
Please come home soon.

Stay

Speeding home with you on the motorway, watching the sky darken, the naked branches of trees arch up towards it, reaching for God, lights splintering on my lashes through my half-closed lids. And wrapping
myself in my soft black cardigan, you are all I think about, remembering the taste of your kisses.
Remembering that soft spot right there, remembering biting down on the sinewy muscle of your shoulder, leaving my mark on you.

You do not say, but you must feel it, don't you? When you do not take your eyes off my face, memorizing the shape my lips make, how my collarbone move under my skin as I gasp from your touch, turn my face into your chest, enveloped and swallowed by your cologne, by the coolness of the night.

I would stay with you as long as you stay with me.

Endlessly

Your breath in my blood, your voice in my ears, your hand on my heart, your lips against my earlobe.
I want to stand in beautiful heels in the pouring rain and watch you walking towards me in that way you do, looking so wonderful, so handsome, watch your eyes move over me slowly.
I would have you wrap your fingers around the strand of pearls around my neck and watch you watch me the way you do sometimes, like I am the most alive creature you have ever seen.
I want to breathe in your breath, eat from your hands, see from your eyes, those beautiful eyes.

They who are wiser than me say love is overrated, they tell me, there is more to life than this. They who are wiser than me say you will hurt me and I will not recover, it will be the blow that will break my soul. I do not tell them that perhaps living without you now would break my soul.

Everyone has all their reasons and all their reasons are right, and I have but one and I am a fool, in the company of other fools, who tell me this feeling is worth everything, who tell me it is okay to love endlessly and get hurt endlessly. I have but one reason and that reason is beautiful, it is you.

I am a fool, but darling, you bring me home, you are my home, and nobody else will ever know exactly how you make me feel, and I will never know how exactly how they have felt, and so ultimately, I have made my choices and my decisions, and now I am here, I am who I am, I am what I am, am I.
I will love you, endlessly.

Ten Ways To Say Goodbye

How do you say goodbye?

Slam the door.

Leave quietly in the morning.

Throw a coin.

With a smile and tears.

Run through the water fountain.

Whisper in his ear.

Over dinner.

Through the phone.

Never come back.

Give him one last

kiss.

The Earth Could Split Open Tonight And All I Want Is One Last Kiss

Sometimes there are no words for how you make me feel.
This feeling is too overwhelming. My heart is no longer mine anymore.
My eyes do not see until they rest upon you. My skin does not feel until you touch me.
Your name is stamped along my veins. Tattooed into my pulse. Part of my blood.
If you are inside me and you are all around me, where am I?

I don't think I have ever been so scared before.
You have all of me. All that I am, all that I have ever been.
Do you see it, hear it, feel it in my heartbeat, my touch, the air you breathe, the steps you take?
Do you see it, hear it, feel it like I do?
Say yes and we will fly away from everything. Jump.
I would not give you up for the world.

When Does Love Begin?

She took a deep breath

and let it out in a sigh.

When does love begin?

"When he makes your heart

beat faster, and you can't

think straight. Sometimes

you can't even breathe."

That happened - all the time.

But then again, if Bad things

made her heart beat faster;

and if she couldn't think straight

when she was panicking, then

Suffocation could very well

be Love.

No, it had to be something else.

She went away and climbed over

a mountain or two,

and found someone else to ask:

When does love begin?

"When he holds your hand and

neither of you wants to let go.

When you enjoy the silences

between the two of you."

He'd held her hand sometimes,

and the silence between them both

was what she wanted to break

through.

No, there had to be another answer.

She went off and sailed across

an ocean or two,

and found someone else to ask:

When does love begin?

"When he's always on your mind."

He wasn't always on her mind.

Sometimes he was,

at other times he disappeared.

But he always came back,

somehow...

Did that count?

"One question only."

She went away and flew over

a continent or two,

and found at last someone

whom she asked:

When does love begin?

"It begins

anytime you want it to."

Strange.

She liked this answer because

it wasn't clear.

It didn't have boundaries

and a check-list with boxes you

had to tick off with a pencil.

It was like how she felt.

It was like how

she missed him

in the most awkward of times.

It was like how

she dreamt of him

and woke up feeling empty,

yet somehow

strangely happy.

It was like how

she felt proud of all

his goals and achievements,

even though she wasn't

his girlfriend.

It was like how

sometimes, in the middle

of  dinner,

she felt like flying him over

to have him cook her meals, and to wait

for him till the day

was over so they could

simply sit, and

talk for long crazy hours.

It was like how

she wanted to climb through

the phone screen

to comfort him when

the going gets tough.

It was like how

she hated him,

sometimes,

for being the way he was.

And then later

loving him

for being the way he was.

It was a good answer,

but still, something nagged

at her, and she would not rest.

She pondered and picked

at the tiny thread

of thought in her head

until it emerged in

the shape of

another

question:

Then,

when does love begin

for him?

If even, it will begin at all.

Sleepless Nights

"The world was on fire and no one could save me but you. It's strange what desire will make foolish people do."
- Chris Isaak

The moonlight streams in, lighting up the nook where our mangled bodies lay, expended.

I listen to the rise and fall of your chest, the valley air still fresh in your lungs. Your skin is soft, as though freshly modeled in the clay furnaces of the earth. You remind me of then of the stillness of the woods and the menace of the night, of the certainty of temperance and the fear in your heart. I believe in that moment, with such surety, that knotted fingers are synonymous with knotted hearts.

I lay awake, pondering the axioms upon which we've architectured our relationship, pondering these new truths that I've stumbled upon. The memory of love clings perpetually on the air, staining our lips, our tongues, our thighs; building walls, windows, watchtowers, till we learn to avert our eyes, divert our hearts, subvert our minds.

I ring my arm around your neck and pull you a little tighter, hold you a little closer.
I listen to the rise and fall of your chest.
I listen to the words spilling out of your heart.

I listen, as I always have, while you quietly undo my seams.

Thought, Consequence & Expectation

"The veins that weave through me, Make patterns underneath my skin, That spell your name, Do you think that's insane?"
- Monica Dogra

There was a time where I wrote words.I formed sentences.
I weaved verse.
Now I bleed.

Was it love?
Undoubtedly.

I know this because I hated him when he made me happy and I loved him when he made me sad. I know this because we could barely stand each other when we're together and we couldn't stand ourselves when we're apart. I know this because he's the only person I know how to be with. I know this because when people talk about love, his face comes to mind.

Now I surrender to you, I synchronize with the part of me that touches without thought, that kisses without consequence, that loves without expectation.
Now I am a surgeon, trying to cut you out of my brain before it's too late. But you coerce me like cancer, you multiply and mutate. You mark me with your teeth, you tease me with your tongue, you suck the air out of my lungs. You drain me of all that I am, till all that I am is desperation, desperate need of you.

I am not me without you anymore.
I want you.

Pandora's Box

"Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder. There's a thunder in our hearts, baby."
- Placebo

It's that feeling of limitless sublimity,
that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when an elevator starts moving and you can't tell whether you're going up or down. It's this loyalty to limbo that's leading me to love less than I could and more than I should. It's that moment of luminosity where you either explode into a kaleidoscope of brilliant, burning colors or slump back into decedent darkness. It's that moment of fight or flight where you don't know if you're coming or going, severing or soaring.
And with you,
nothing of all these matter.

This romance is a Pandora's box and you're the one with the keys.

Babylonian Lovers

"Here comes a feeling you thought you'd forgotten."
- Vampire Weekend

We wait for crises to salvage our loves:

I want you, but I can't let myself have you
Like Babylonian lovers, we end and begin like
A phoenix, forever in descent,
She wonders why he couldn't be there; away but
Only a few inches further, salt and sapphire
And raindrops clinging to windows,
A green light across the waters.

But wait
First girlsdon'tthinkofsex
No, no, no
First kisses, they change everything,
Your smell of smoke and sweat is intoxicating.
Oh, just a few inches closer
Her taste of his salt and sapphire
And raindrops clinging to windows,
A green light across the waters.

What is it with men and facial hair?

Tonight Is Full Of Maybes

You lie, naked and then tell me slowly how much I mean to your existence.
It's refreshing to be shocked by your audacity.
Stark, but refreshing nonetheless.

Whispers and shallow breaths, in the darkness of tonight.

Drunk are we?

It seeps and spreads and entangles.

Like tentacles, black and fluid, inching its hold around you.

Words, they've failed us.

Synthetic constructs of our thoughts that we try again and again to make palpable.

Maybe thoughts are just suppose to fleet;

Pass us like running water over skin.

Maybe some are meant to linger on to remind us who we are and what we mean.

Maybe it does nothing but frustrate.

But tonight is full of maybes.

Tonight and all the other nights that await us.

All that is left now is to feel, your enraged soul.

Pounding and frantic for a taste of what it means to be alive.

"Remember. Re-member. Piece together the fragments of the soul and hold on to me. Remember our life together."

Looked, Mused, Fantasized

I looked at him, mused him
Fantasized him

My heart rushed

He turned me on

He lay bold and beautiful

I touched him with all the tenderness

I put my ears on his chest

A strange heart, beating

I kissed his forehead

And we flew to a world

Through the long winding roads

Dark roads lay ahead

And our hearts raced together

I made love to him

Tender, delicate love

Between his legs I gasped and thrived

Our hands clutched on to each other

As I lay close to his heart

We stopped before the dream would

Since both were tired

But our faces had the glow

Glow that is rare

A sweaty muscular young man served me coffee

And there he stood watching me

His eyes told, he wants to make more love

Wilder, stronger and steady

I dropped my coffee,

And it splashed on to some wrinkled faces

And then a few drops formed cakes in mud

I kissed his lips

And he was on

And I was on

I pressed my body against his torso

And we made love all through the winding roads

Wilder, stronger and steady love

Between his legs I gasped and thrived

Our hands clutched on to each other

And the dream world came closer and closer.

Stolen Kisses

My skin is still humming from the warm pressure of your lips.

My hair is a little wild from your caresses.

I'm still breathing in the scent of you lingering in the curve of my neck.

You held my hand like a treasured jewel; grazed your lips over my knuckles.

"Do you want to?"
"Yes."
And you listened.

Take me in your arms and rock me to lullabies ancient and beautiful that will heal wounds and give me hope.

Take me away to a place where nobody knows us and I will lean against you and  you can whisper in my ear things you don't say.

Take me broken and blackened and burnt and mutilated past recognition and look at me with such clarity that I find myself in your eyes.

Take me on a ride on a long, winding road with no lights and my arms wrapped around your waist and my breath at the nape of your neck, and we'll ride with the wind whipping against our hair.

Take me to your home, my love, and when you fall asleep, I'll put out the light on the candle, I'll put a blanket over you, I'll kiss your eyes and wrap my hands tighter around you.

Take me with care, take me everywhere.

Were I

I want to be curled up next to you watching that movie, hearing your laughter and kissing your cheek whenever the urge strikes. I won't see you until tomorrow and maybe not even then, and were I to be honest and selfish, I would tell you how much that sucks and ask you to come now, somehow, anyhow.

Were I to tell you my fantasies, I would tell you how I wake up each morning and for that split sepia-toned second between dreams and wakefulness, I am next to you, my leg anchoring you to my side, your arm slung carelessly over my waist and in that moment, I belong to you more completely than I have belonged to anyone in all my years.

Were I to tell you the truth about me, would you run or would you love me the same?

Were I to tell you the depth and width of my love - how could I? There would be no words.

This Is Why I'm In Love With You

I'm in love with you because you're lovable. If you were to be put in a line-up of people and someone asked me, "Who would you love the most?", I would pick you. You know why? You have kind eyes. You have eyes that make everyone's else look dark and scary, including mine. How does one even get kind eyes? How do I convey warmth and vulnerability all in one glance? I guess I'll just leave that to you. You're the nice one in this relationship. You're the one who makes me want to be more empathetic and stronger.

I'm in love with you because you make me feel safe. It sounds corny and vague. People always talk about feeling safe with someone and you wonder what it even means. I still don't really know. All I know is that when I'm with you, I feel like I'm clutching a giant thing of pepper spray or reliving a moment of being carried to bed by my parents when I was five years old and feel asleep in front of the television. All day long, I can feel fragile, like a raw nerve, and when I come home to you, it's like I just put on the thickest winter coat and installed bulletproof windows in my house, "Honey, I'm home... and no longer terrified."

I'm in love with you because I'm not obsessed with you. This is a distinction worth noting, one that took me a long time to learn. In the past, I would confuse obsession with love. If I felt things intensely and regarded my lover as a mentor, it would mean that I was in head over heels. They were all the way up there and I was down there, studying them like a dutiful pupil, and that dynamic felt comfortable to me. That wasn't real love though. Real love isn't rife with inequities. I'm in love with you because you're my equal. We're on the same page. It's stable, unlike obsession, which is inherently erratic.

I'm in love with you because we aren't afraid to fight. Relationships shouldn't be a series of highs and lows but they shouldn't be completely even either. You need to have disagreements in order to know that your love is strong, that it can survive trivial resentments, the debate between whether or not to get ice-cream or sorbet, prawn or lobster, an action movie or a romcom. What these tiffs illustrate is the art of compromise. I'm just beginning to realize that a big part of love is just relinquishing control and giving up your right to be a total brat. The idea should be that you love them more than any surface decision. You're fine with being unhappy about the action movie, so long as they're happy and you know you'll be rewarded with an extra long orgasm later so it's fine. Give and take, give and take.

I'm in love with you because you're the peanut butter to my jelly. See, what you're making me do here? Love makes you behave like a complete sap and not give a f about it. It's refreshing to not be so self-conscious about your behavior all the time. Here's the thing: There's nothing more rewarding in this world than knowing that you're being understood. Someone is seeing all of you and accepting it as is. "I'll take the one with the beautiful dents that likes to cut me and drink my blood. I see potential in this one." You take me and I take you. Sold.