This Is Why I'm In Love With You

I'm in love with you because you're lovable. If you were to be put in a line-up of people and someone asked me, "Who would you love the most?", I would pick you. You know why? You have kind eyes. You have eyes that make everyone's else look dark and scary, including mine. How does one even get kind eyes? How do I convey warmth and vulnerability all in one glance? I guess I'll just leave that to you. You're the nice one in this relationship. You're the one who makes me want to be more empathetic and stronger.

I'm in love with you because you make me feel safe. It sounds corny and vague. People always talk about feeling safe with someone and you wonder what it even means. I still don't really know. All I know is that when I'm with you, I feel like I'm clutching a giant thing of pepper spray or reliving a moment of being carried to bed by my parents when I was five years old and feel asleep in front of the television. All day long, I can feel fragile, like a raw nerve, and when I come home to you, it's like I just put on the thickest winter coat and installed bulletproof windows in my house, "Honey, I'm home... and no longer terrified."

I'm in love with you because I'm not obsessed with you. This is a distinction worth noting, one that took me a long time to learn. In the past, I would confuse obsession with love. If I felt things intensely and regarded my lover as a mentor, it would mean that I was in head over heels. They were all the way up there and I was down there, studying them like a dutiful pupil, and that dynamic felt comfortable to me. That wasn't real love though. Real love isn't rife with inequities. I'm in love with you because you're my equal. We're on the same page. It's stable, unlike obsession, which is inherently erratic.

I'm in love with you because we aren't afraid to fight. Relationships shouldn't be a series of highs and lows but they shouldn't be completely even either. You need to have disagreements in order to know that your love is strong, that it can survive trivial resentments, the debate between whether or not to get ice-cream or sorbet, prawn or lobster, an action movie or a romcom. What these tiffs illustrate is the art of compromise. I'm just beginning to realize that a big part of love is just relinquishing control and giving up your right to be a total brat. The idea should be that you love them more than any surface decision. You're fine with being unhappy about the action movie, so long as they're happy and you know you'll be rewarded with an extra long orgasm later so it's fine. Give and take, give and take.

I'm in love with you because you're the peanut butter to my jelly. See, what you're making me do here? Love makes you behave like a complete sap and not give a f about it. It's refreshing to not be so self-conscious about your behavior all the time. Here's the thing: There's nothing more rewarding in this world than knowing that you're being understood. Someone is seeing all of you and accepting it as is. "I'll take the one with the beautiful dents that likes to cut me and drink my blood. I see potential in this one." You take me and I take you. Sold.