Home

It's been a long and amazingly stretched out 5 and a half months. But like I've been repeatedly told recently, I've come a full circle. But this time when we first met, you had your guard up, probably knowing that two people can never repeat the same mistake. Unassumingly.

You rendered yourself malleable. Let our interactions; physical, verbal and on so many other intangible levels, take their own course. I guess we've learnt not to stop and contain something real, and beautiful when it finds its way to you all on its own. We're not ashamed and we don't think ahead of ourselves. How could two people transform so much and not see it until the entire, drastic transformation has fully taken place, even while they've been in each others' peripheral vision the entire time?

I can call you a friend. And with such warmth, that I suddenly feel light. You're slowly guiding me through a crowd, while your hands stay firmly on either side of me. And you retract them just in time, so I don't get too dependent on the support system that you are. It's comfortable beyond measure, but it's all that you need to continue breathing. I look up to you when you level life out in front of me. I try deciphering why you push me so much for my own good, but stop short of trying too hard. I try understanding the amused laughter, when you push me around and get me childishly agitated.

I don't know why we can mould and emote and be ridiculous and laugh at how non-ridiculous it feels. I don't know how we end up in one place from another. I don't know how I can bear with you being obnoxious or how you can deal with little subsidiaries of my life. I don't know how we ended up there that night or how we continued feeling and becoming more and more a part of the already formed foundation. I just know that I don't want it to be taken away from me. Or for that matter, what I would ever do if it was.

I'm aware of what reaction every little action would illicit from you. There's something comforting in the knowledge that I can gauge, and eventually smile an understanding smile. The power that some invisible force of nature rendered to you, which enables you to reach out to me, before you really even do, is fascinating. I'm struck with wonder at the enormity of our emotions. Strangely enough, we don't feel the same things. If I tasted sour, you tasted sweet. If I leaned in, you stood strong, ready to embrace me. If I danced to self-composed tunes, you projected two left feet. If you said North, I'd run South. And such was how we lay perfect in our imperfections.

We're interlocked in a very fitting way. You make me whoever you want to make me whenever you want to, without changing the essence of me. And I enjoy the escapes from me. Especially because I can remember these experiences that almost seem like out-of-body ones. Sometimes what would work best would ensure that I could take you someplace else too, and I get the feeling that I already do. You have to admit that I have the power to do that. And the novelty of this all scares you out of your skin, and I can see it while I'm watching you watch me. It's unnerving but I'm filling these memories away because something tells me it's all I'm going to have left of you. And it's not much. But it should suffice.

Ever since you left, I felt like I've lost something special, something beautiful and something I didn't think I would ever have, only because it's so free of the shackles that usually accompany something so pristine. And you know what the worst part is about losing something that's like home to you? The fact that you know exactly when you've lost it and even worse, that you're going to be putting away the rest of your time on hold just waiting for it to return. After all, you're my home.

It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

Be my baby
I'll look after you