I & II

I

As I try to forget you right now I find it very heart-wrenching. but that's imperative. I can't afford to have you in my mind beyond a certain time. Love is a power game. Of the worst sorts. Besides, love gives you the power to hurt me. By loving you, I give you this supremacy over me. It's like you rule my moods. You totally hold the strings of my life. I have confirmed it many times over that I would want you a hundred times over all the other wants in life. I bear the consequences of every inconsequential thing you do. I am like the china in your hands. For you, I dream of the pros and cons of if-only's.

II

All this time I have tried to hate you because I am done convincing me that you are not the one, because you can't just be the one. I never fell for you. I never will. It's an impossibility. But there is a glitch. No, it's not even that. Just a dormant fear within me that at the end of time, it could be you, if not anyone else. Then, I would have to keep all ego aside and take you in. It's this constant fear of this contingent future that keeps me on my toes, always trying to hate you. Yesterday while crossing a busy street, this thought crossed my mind. Is it you? What if it is you? What if it has always been you? I am doing a worst-case scenario analysis. Fpr you, I fret over the pros and cons of what-if's.