I Want To Chase My Dreams

Were it possible that I was your dream.
The one from which all others were borne.
The one that gave all others their meaning.
The one that reminded you of who you are.
Who you are meant to be.

If only.

What is love, when you love so cautiously? Careful not to lose yourself. Careful not to hurt yourself. Careful with your heart. Careful with what you give me. Careful with what you trust me with.

Stop the hurt.

Did I tell you he loved her. Some part of him always has and always will.
Did I tell you he used to beat her. For years before we could stop him.
Did I tell you how much she loved him. Even today and I wish sometimes I could stop her.
Did I tell you what it is like to watch them break apart in front of your very eyes, your terrified eyes and your shaking unsure hands.
Did I tell you when I cry, I think of her and I cry harder, because if that can happen to someone so young and beautiful and innocent and virtuous - think of what will happen to me.
Did I tell you.

All this unsaid pain.

I forgot that important lesson. I once told you, how painstakingly I learnt it. I forgot again but now I recall. This is what it was; no matter what you do for, or how much of yourself you give to someone, you never earn the right to expect from them.

Never expect.

I want to chase my dreams. Those glittering city lights out there, the people I want to know, the things I want to do, the futures I could have, freedom so strong I can taste it.

But I would give them up to be with you.

That does not make me weak.

Only foolishly in love.

May you have everything you have ever dreamt of. Good luck, darling.